Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
