SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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