I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
