If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We have started to decorate penises.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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