I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
