Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
