I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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