i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
did i just pee glitter
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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