it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
