i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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