the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
