but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
