dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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