sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
