did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
