I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize