Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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