What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
