He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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