sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
