I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
