There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
