This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
