You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
