..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
