I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
