Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
