Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
