They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
