the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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