is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need a burrito and a hug.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
