I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't turn off my feet"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
