if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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