Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im part way to drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
