Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
