Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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