Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
