please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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