i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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