I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
