Barsexuality is the new black.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i need some magic done to my vagina
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
