when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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