she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
