____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize