I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize