i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize