i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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