you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
