well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
