Whod you bang
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
