my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
