I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
