Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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