Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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