i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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