those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
