Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just high enough for therapy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
