You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
