Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
