i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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