Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
