So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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