why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
