also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
