Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
